TECHNOBABBLING . . .

Eversince I've read about personal computers back in HS, the dream of owning one someday started, and I guess with it, the love for tech gadgets . I got my first PC a 486 in 1993 running on windows 3.1 and of course MS-DOS. Subsequently, upgraded it to a pentium all by myself, and a "how to do it book" when the Windows 95 was released. Built 2 more systems as intel and microsoft tweaked their products. Yes, I was once an America Online subscriber, getting used to the computer lingos like LOL, ROFL, AFTK,NP, BRB, ASL, : ) , :P and many more. Right now, my system's OS is Vista though some techies loathe it and woud prefer XP, Im getting used to it and very much comfortable.. After all the other windows versions that Ive used from 3.1 , 95, 97, Me, 2000, XP , the problems that I've encoutered with Vista were trivial. Forget about the speed of XP, my system runs on quadcore and 8 Gigs of memory! SWOOSHH!!!

Along with my fondness with PC, is the Cellular phone or Cellphone, or Cellfone, or CP. My first CP was Motorola's StarTAC, once considered as the world's smallest and lightest. Since then, I've used different kinds and brands of CP. None of those CP that I've had came close to iphone.Yes, iphone! I even videotaped the time, I got it out from the box! Maybe, I'm a victim of all the hypes that were associated with the iphone! Though I tried some of the iphone displays in apple store, having my own was a different feeling. " I have on my hands now, the sleekest, stylish,super cool, and much hyped Iphone", said to myself... Quickly activated it from my PC through the internet. Then, excitedly tried to use it in browsing the internet. The browsing experience was very good, with a little drawback on the speed (its not 3G), the pages of the sites are exactly the same with what I can see on my desktop ,or with my laptop as per mobile comparison.

One of the best thing about iphone... is you can make the fonts and pictures bigger or smaller!! with your fingertips! WOW!! The touchscreen GUI is remarkable! The pictures look crips and sharp. I Googled and Yahoo! Played some of the songs with its built in music player a.k.a "iPod" while surfing the internet. Browsed my songlist using my finger and was flipping pages of the song albums virtually! Videos?? the best player compared to other phones! Right now, i'm trying to convert the movie "300" so I can watch it on my iphone... pretty neat huh?

For the first time, I went outside the US without my laptop ( 'was in the Phils. last Feb), just my iphone! Downloaded all my favorite songs from itunes to my iphone, stored some pictures, music videos, contacts, and many more. Back in the Phils, I'll just go to Starbucks and buy a 100 peso worth of wi-fi connection, or buy an ice cold pale pilsen (please no san mig light) with free peanuts at Shangri-la Edsa Hotel lobby in order to use their free wi-fi (Shang Makati wi-fi access?? with fees!!! and I was even a guest there) and I could check my emails, my portfolio, the news, and watch videos in youtube.

One can argue that a Blackberry is better..app wise but for me, iphone is simple, easy ,and fun to use. Also, 3G iphone is coming and with SDK, the apps gap would cease to exist! I can't wait for the 3G iphone's release in stores, a day before my birthday! I have a reason for buying the new model too, a birthday gift for myself!

THE WALLS

I’ve been trying to write a new blog for several nights now but it seemed nothing really emanates a good topic from my mind to jot down. The last time I published a blog was almost 3 weeks ago. I wrote this one at spur- of- the moment but with brilliance and creativity . Openly, after this last blog I was struck with some personal drawbacks and life’s questions . I simply not willing to live with questions for it leave me vulnerable . It caused my enthusiasm and energy for blogging to fall off. Last night thinking I have given fairly enough time for myself to pull through from strains and emotional angsts, I switched on my PC ready to make up something new for my readers . But no matter how I tried , my wits just doesn't want to verbalize anything my fingers can encrypt into the keyboard to put it into writing. My mind was totally empty and torpid. I bent my head down , sealed my eyes off and slowly as I lift my head up I gaped at the wall in front of me without flickering my eyes.

I took a deep breath, turned my head and look around the walls. . . I asked myself “ How can these walls withstand the weight of my home?” The roof, the beams , trusses, the floor, and everything?” Can this house stands alone without these walls? The walls are intricately, basically attached to the foundations. The walls can sustain the weight of my home because of these solid groundworks. For a moment I had an unfathomable contemplation . . . I felt a prick in my heart as if I was hit by a lightning from the blue sky. Why do I have to worry?. Why do I let anxieties jolt and petrify me where there is nothing I can do about it? How can I have less faith that God wont give me anything I cant handle when He evidently lay these simple signs of assurance in my own dwelling ? Will I sustain the weight of my problems, my adversities and my tribulations if I will not connect my life to the rock? Life is a question but asking can put us back on track with Him.Then clearly I realized that God sometimes answers us in questions.

God gave me walls in my life it wouldn't be a sustaining walls unless I connect it inextricably to Him . But then I created my own middle wall ... it is there because doubt is there ...animosity dwells there...stress and worries are there. I can move this middle wall and my home will still stand but how am I going to have these broken down ? I know I am not more than anyone else and that there is nothing to conceal and no middle wall can secure and fortify me. Lord let me acknowledge my humanity so that this middle wall be broken down. Make me as confident in Your power as You are in Your own. I don't want these middle wall crash my life. I know You will never leave me inside. It has door and please help me open it up so I may be liberated from every burden, anxiety, torture that afflicts my whole being.

For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ

1 Corinthians 3:11

SYNERGY

I've been trying to sleep since 2:00am and it's now 4:21am and for some strange reason I felt I had to write this one down.

My father had another stroke about the middle of January, about the same time I was told I was loosing my contract with my current project. My father was confined and I was looking after him during the worst time of this whole thing. At some point it was getting out of control and nobody could tell what was happening, complications here and there and a swelling brain. He was telling me he's giving up already.

I thought I should pray for him, but what exactly do I say. So I asked God how exactly does one perform a miracle. What does it take to be a healer. I was desperate for an answer and I was given a profound question I couldn't understand then -- "Would you be willing to give your life and the lives of your family for one dying old man?". At that point, all I can say was "it's not practical". Jesus gave his life for many, not one. I just gave up on the thought. One day, my father was having hiccups and I thought that's not good for his condition and there I heard in my head something that was clearly an instruction. I pressed on his closed eyes (knowing this should take care of the hiccups), then I prayed as if I knew what to say. So I prayed silently and the hiccups went away. Then I was told again in my head, my father was healed. And he was...

Then I understood what miracles are made of. It's not possessed as we wished it were. It's not something you have that you can wave around and use as you please. It's not us. A miracle, is the display of God's power through an exact synergy of time and motion with man. This is clearly seen in the life of Moses, he does exactly as he is told and when he does -- at the very moment God's hand meets with his, a miracle is displayed in great spectacle. I choose to believe that the Red Sea will have parted with or without Moses being there. It could have been me or somebody else who knew what God was about to do at that precise moment, someone who heard what to do and chose to obey at exactly the right moment. That is synergy... that is miracle as I know it.

I used to ask if Jesus had the power to heal, then why wasn't every single deaf, mute and blind healed throughout Jerusalem or everywhere he went. I believe now, and this is my understanding, that Jesus then healed who had to be healed at the right moment. Jesus said, "I do what the Father does" (Jn 5:19 para-phrased) and he simply does. I thought then that what he meant was that he was "generally" doing what the Father will most likely do in certain situations. But now I understand it even more clearly, if you actually read the verse it says

"I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does"

which to me now means that he can only do what the Father is doing at that moment... He does and says what the Father does and says at precisely the right moment...

I have no power in me, nor do you or anybody else... but we have power in the Father if we can see and hear what he does and say and flow in precise synergy with Him. Then only can we say we shared and were part of His glory.

Now the answer to God's question for me. Will I be willing to die for one dying old man? If that is exactly what God is doing at that moment then I will...

CHESS LIFE

One of my favorite board game is Chess. It keeps my memory sharp and helps me to make a logical approach to life. As one of the great Russian Chess Grandmaster said, " Chess is the gymnasium of the mind."

Every now and then, I try to find time to play online. My games are kinda rusty due to lack of practice, but I could still deliver those classic textbook mating sacrifice if the position permits it.

Here's a game I just played online at yahoo chess (time:10 mins blitzgame). Both players committed alot of blunders but the way the mate was accomplished was beautiful. I never thought I would have the opportunity to actually do it in a real game.

Title: Yahoo! Chess Game
White: kakabakabakaba2003
Black: cupidguy303
Date: Sun Oct 16 05:28:15 GMT 2005

1. e2-e4 d7-d5 28. c3xd3 c6-c5
2. e4xd5 d8xd5 29. b4xc5 b6xc5
3. b1-c3 d5-d8 30. d3-b5+ f6-d7
4. d2-d4 c7-c6 31. d4xc5 d6-d5
5. f1-c4 e7-e6 32. b2-e5 c7-c8
6. g1-f3 b7-b5 33. e5-d6 d5xd6
7. c4-b3 c8-a6 34. c5xd6 c8xc1+
8. o-o b5-b4 35. g1-h2 o-o
9. c3-e2 g8-f6 36. b5xd7 c1xa3
10. f1-e1 b8-d7 37. f3-e5 a3-a5
11. c2-c3 b4xc3 38. f2-f4 a5-b4
12. e2xc3 f8-b4 39. h2-g3 b4-a3+
13. a2-a3 b4-a5 40. g3-g4 f7-f6
14. b3-a2 d8-c7 41. d7xe6+ g8-h8
15. b2-b4 a5-b6 42. e5-f7+ h8-g8
16. c3-a4 f6-d5 43. f7-h6+ g8-h8
17. c1-b2 d5-f4 44. e6-g8+ f8xg8
18. a1-c1 f4-d3 45. h6-f7++
19. d1-d2 d3xe1 1 - 0
20. f3xe1 d7-f6
21. a2-b1 f6-g4
22. e1-f3 a8-d8
23. d2-c3 d8-d6
24. b1-e4 a6-b5
25. a4xb6 a7xb6
26. h2-h3 g4-f6
27. e4-d3 b5xd3

CHALLENGES

I have gone through a lot and thought that it will get better and you thought that nothing can get worst than what you have experienced before and you will see that light after that long tunnel... it doesn't.. you see i have been feeling a lot of pain inside that i thought for a while that i can shake it off... and then later on you find yourself buried deeper than what you can imagine.. I am beside myself right now.. I have gone through an abusive relationship, diagnose twice for cancer, got stabbed and mugged... I can live with that but watch my daughter destroy herself and knowing that you have done everything to help her is what i cant live with. I have been going through and I have always manage to shook it off but this time I cant shake it off.. I know it is nothing personal it is some kind of chemical imbalance, but I am a mother and every time you look at your child, you ask yourself constantly where did you go wrong... what else can I do.. what did you do to deserve this.. you wish that maybe if you blink your eyes everything is going to be ok.. or maybe you will find solace in rocking yourself back and forth... but i feel like the world just exploded in front of you... that there is nothing in this world that can make you feel better and there is no will to live... My daughter is my life and my life is in shambles.. I don't know how to move on... I have forgotten about my most favorite passage that the sun sets to give birth to tomorrow and tomorrow is another day for hope.. i lost that.. i lost the magic... i lost myself...

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY. . .

To love is to share life together to build special plans just for two to work side by side and then smile with pride as one by one, dreams all come true. To love is to help and encourage with smiles and sincere words of praise to take time to share to listen and care in tender, affectionate ways. To love is to have someone special one who you can always depend to be there through the years sharing laughter and tears as a partner, a lover, a friend. To love is to make special memories of moments you love to recall of all the good things that sharing life brings love is the greatest of all.

I've learned the full meaning of sharing and caring and having my dreams all come true; I've learned the full meaning of being in love by being and loving with you.

Feelings that once were hidden are now expressed to you. Days that once were stormy are now the brightest blue. Times that once were lonely are now filled with pleasure. All that once was mine alone are now things we both treasure. Nights that once were cold are now comforting and warm. Fears that once were very real are now gone with the storm. A heart that once was broken can now finally mend. A person once alone in life can now call you a friend. Dreams that once were longed for are now all coming true. The love I once thought was gone I have now and forever in you.

Just three little words don't seem like enough for someone whose smile still brightens my day, whose touch can make me forget the rest of the world. They don't seem like enough for someone who's always been there to celebrate with me when everything goes my way and to hold my hand when my whole world seems to fall apart. But even though "I Love You" can't express the depth of my feelings for you. I hope you know what's in my heart. Because loving you means more to me than anything in the world and it always will.

MOVING ON

Moving on ... breaking free from the past ... letting go ... embarking on a new beginning ... moving forward ...

'love to read each phrase and gobble up bits of meaning I could savor from them, for they seem to bequeath me with optimism, hope and faith ... hmmm, just what I need!

Oh, Christmas and New Year holidays are grief-triggers for somebody like me who lost someone dear. This is, after all, the first time that Bea wasn't there to celebrate the holiday season with us ... and even with numerous holidays to come, she'll still be missed so much. But while I wished that she was there, I have come to terms with the fact that she now belongs to the Father. So be it, amen. Ok, I really need to help myself for not doing so would be a mess. Pretty good start to moving on, huh?!

Feeling sad is normal ... it is an expression of LOVE. If we don't love Bea then we won't be sad. But we love her so much that's why we're saddened by her loss and deeply miss her presence. Being sad is something that we cannot get away with all at once. It takes time or maybe it's something that would be there forever and we would just have to deal with it.

Yep, although this may not be the happiest Christmas that I ever had, I tried to prepare for this season to counter the grief ... 'tell you, nothing really helped to do this but God's grace and mighty support. Whenever I feel down and out, I'd fill myself with prayers and God's Words then I'd find myself up and about ... honest, these give me strength and wisdom. Plus, I find solace with my family -- they provide additional strength and so much joy ... and of course, old and new friends who understand and feel with me.

Well, the key point is MOVING ON ... and yes, I have made the decision to move on! It is the right thing to do and moving forward is, I'm sure, the only direction to take. Hmmm, moving on is not easy ... that is, if I would do it alone. But invoking God to lead me forward is a sure-win way. For some, it may sound trite, but it's definitely true. I know it! We certainly cannot do it by ourselves alone. We need God ... in everything, in fact.

I praise and thank God because I feel Him working within us. With Him guiding and supporting us, slowly we are MOVING ON ... even if it means taking baby steps to recovery. Bea would be extremely glad.

Indeed, GOD is GOOD ... all the time!